Despite my objections and my inner feelings on the issue, I have come to a conclusion on an issue that might surprise some of you.
I believe gays should be allowed to marry.
There. I said it. Never let it be said I toe any party line.
The reasons for this change of heart? Well nothing specific. I mean, I didn’t one day go, “Holy crap, that needs to be done because x…”
Jay and I were chatting today about the new attempt the Bush Administration is making to pass a law that not only violates the Full Faith and Confidence clause, but also codifies a ban on judicial review. The law states that the Federal Courts and the Supreme Court cannot overturn or otherwise rule on the law, and that the states can decide for themselves AND that no state has to honor another state’s interpretation of marriage.
Think of what we’ve come to, here. Not to put on a tinfoil hat, but we have hit the point where we are starting to shred the constitution, and I don’t like it. The idea that states don’t have to recognize the laws of other states at all coupled with the theoretical ban on judicial review are frightening actions to be taking in general, but think about it in terms of gay marriage.
What are we fighting over? I’m starting to rethink the arguments against gay marriage and they just don’t make sense anymore.
It doesn’t devalue marriage for anyone. Oh sure, it’s a change in the definition. So what? If Bob marries Joe, am I any less married to Beth than I am now? Obviously not. In fact, I’m moreso married because my committed relationship is still recognized and the institution is preserved by extending it to others. I think the highest form of love that a couple can share is a lifelong commitment to each other that is recognized in the proper manner.
It doesn’t hurt children. I’d rather see a gay and loving couple raising children than some of the sorry sacks I see on the subway everyday. Two good parents beats these “baby-mammas” I see every day feeding soda and cheetohs to kids who aren’t even old enough to get around without being pushed in a stroller. Maybe a mother and a mother can’t offer what a mother and father can together, but so what? There are plenty of single mothers who do a hell of a great job raising a child. Adding another parent, whether it’s a another man or another woman cannot possibly be bad for children.
Pragmatically speaking, the idea of gay marriage makes much more sense than the stupidity that’s going on now. Face it. You can pass all the laws you want, and they’ll never be enforced. Elliot Spitzer of New York refused to prosecute the mayor of New Paltz, even though he clearly violated the law. Gavin Newsome of San Francisco doesn’t care at all about the law, and no one in California is going to stop them even though they clearly violate the law.
You can go on and on, but the truth is that passing all the laws (including this new one that’s being bandied about) in the world aren’t going to stop anything.
Then there’s the issue of adjusting laws. Visitation in hospital emergency rooms. Custodial rights in the event one parent dies. Survivor rights for social security. Estate rights for spouses. And so on and so on. And why are we rewriting these laws? To help out whom?
Look, I don’t like who’s on the anti side of this issue. The Fred Phelps’ and the Rev. Billy Grahams… Those types make me a bit uneasy. While emotionally, I don’t think I can wholeheartedly fall in line with the Gay & Lesbian community on this one, I just can’t find myself arguing wholeheartedly against gay marriage when Tom Keane comes out and does a news conference that basically said, “Hey America: News flash. We’re going to be hit again by terrorists… We’re working on it…” I can’t be bothered arguing about whether or not two people who love each other should or shouldn’t be married.
Let it be. There are much more pressing issues in this country that have a much deeper effect on all of us. Let gay people marry each other, and let’s move on to more important things like keeping terrorists from ending the existence of thousands of Americans. As long as we’re hung up on the definition of marriage, we’re not paying attention to any other issues, and frankly that’s more frightening than Leslie marrying Martha would ever be.
At least in my eyes.
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