Anyone ever wonder what kind of slob leaves their bag from their trendy coffee shop (no, not Starbucks, another trendy coffee shop that’s more momandpoppish) on the subway?
Wonder no longer.
Caught in the wild, I bring you Yuppius Assholius, litterer of the subway.
In picture number one, we see the item in question… A brown paper (paper of course being better for the environment, especially on the floor of the subway) bag…
In the next picture we see the male offender. Dressed impeccably unimaginatively, the white shirt / black pants look does not suit his pasty white skin and beedy eyes very well…
You’ll notice that he’s reading the New York Times, a sure sign of Yuppius Assholius; most of the people who read the New York Times don’t live in New York. Those who do read the New York Times in New York are mostly known to be members of Yuppius Assholius.
Finally, you’ll see his rather unfortunate looking mating partner in as good a picture as could be taken on a moving subway with a camera phone without arousing suspicion of said Yuppius Assholius. You’ll note that in her hand sits the coffee cup from Metro Cafe’, the trendy coffee shop in question…
Notice said cup from said cafe’ in her hand wrapped in a napkin so as not to burn her delicate and sensitive palms. Of course, said napkin serves a dual purpose of keeping her hands or her clothing clean, a courtesy she and her Yuppius Assholius mate did not bother to consider when leaving the bag on the train.
At one point, the female Yuppius Assholius even dropped her section of the New York Times. Landing upon said paper bag from said trendy cafe’, I truly expected that to cue her in that she had indeed dropped her bag and seeing such she would take corrective action to remove the litter from the train floor. Instead, she picked up the paper, continued reading, checked to make sure she got the entire paper off of the floor, and left said bag from said trendy cafe’ right where it was; on the floor.
I feel privileged to have observed Yuppius Assholius in its natual habitat performing its natural rituals.
Please join me next time for another edition of “Assholes in the Wild”