1. Hunter Thomspon blew his brains out. Big fucking deal. Sorry to hear about it. Next…
2. The snow… We know it snowed. We don’t need a damn news alert every five minutes to show a street with slush in it. Move on assholes.
3. The President smoked a joint. So? At least he didn’t lie about it or mitigate it (only smoked it, never inhaled it). No one ever asked, he didn’t volunteer it. And even if he did, it’s a joint. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
4. Some reporter had something to do with gay porn. Whoopdeedoo. Certain female bloggers are starfuckers anyway. Ironically, I care nothing about either.
5. The Gates: All you fuckers who join the crowd loving it on Friday before they opened and hating it when all the “critics” started bashing it can just go to hell. Fucking poseurs. Once something isn’t trendy, you lose interest.
6. Vin Diesel’s voicemail is out there… Big deal. It’s every bit as boring as he is.
7. Sirius signed NASCAR. Here’s the play by play: “And there goes Martin… He makes a left… Then he goes straight, and makes another left!” Auto racing is a television sport.
8. Paris Hilton’s privacy was invaded… Interesting that she’s all upset now, considering she was invaded privately, taped it, and watched it shoot around the world. I’m not banging her or talking to her, and I really don’t care what’s on her voicemail.
9. G4TechTV is now just G4. After decimating all the staff, firing people, and killing great shows, the G4 monster now officially takes over the entire channel and removes all links to TTV. Along with it go all its street cred with the geek set. No Cat Schwartz? No Vinny.
10. Air America is moving into another market. Their fan is happy.
11. Jerry Springer is on his own radio show. Something tells me the three hundred pound fatty banging a transsexual midget just won’t be as interesting on radio.
Please join us again next week when I bring you more News Stories I Don’t Give a Shit About!