It’s amazing how many stories I have from the train these days, but for some reason I’m just noticing more and more the strange microcosm the train is of the city I live in.

Friday morning was just like any other day. I was on the #5 train heading downtown to go to work. I had my headphones on and was listening to Opie and Anthony on my iPod. We get to 149th Street / Grand Concourse and this woman gets on the train. She was frickin’ drop-dead gorgeous. Every guy with any kind of eyeballs was looking at her. She had a perfect body, beautiful face, long flowing red hair. I mean, if you were a guy and you weren’t looking, you were either asleep or braindead.

As discussed numerous times in #mixedwingnuts, I wear a very dark pair of Gargoyle sunglasses everyday. It keeps people from seeing my eyes, and gives me the ability to scan over the crowd and not draw attention to myself.

So I step away from the center pole to take a better look and size up this beautiful woman. I start down the legs, which were absolutely perfect. Gorgeous, in fact. Relatively thin, but with some muscle tone to them. I work my way up to the top of her legs and…

Uh oh…

Something’s not quite right…

Is that a weird shadow or what?

I kinda put it out of my mind and just keep looking. Up and up I go. She’s just gorgeous. Guys are now getting out of their seats and moving closer to the part of the train she’s on. Soon she’s surrounded by guys, all of whom dwarf her 5′4″ frame. She’s very slight; totally lady-like. At that point, she flips her hair and throws her head back a bit. What do I see on her neck?

A healthy, round Adam’s Apple.

Oh my God.

Now I noticed that none of the guys who were scoping her were doing so when she flipped her hair back. If you’ve never seen a young NYC guy on the train put the moves on a woman, it’s quite fun to watch. The woman stands there, while the guy, usually with headphones on, kinda keeps inching closer while bopping to the rhythm of whatever is thumping in his headphones. Sometimes, the young lad will even up his headphones so the young lady can enjoy the music also.

Now she’s got four thumping hopping guys (two black, one hispanic) doing what looks like a tribal right of passage right near her and she’s just smiling the whole time being flirty and cute, and they’re just soaking it all in and taking that as their cue to carry on their courting ritual. I know what she’s smiling at though…

She probably has a bigger Johnson than they do!
But seriously. It got me to thinking. Whenever I watch the Jerry Springer show, or any of these shows that have transsexuals that fool men, I almost universally think they’re idiots. How can that even happen!? Well, frankly, she almost fooled me right there in broad daylight. Imagine if she was in a poorly lit club / bar, the guy had a few drinks in him, and she was even more dressed up? I guess I have a better understanding now. And you know what?

She looked better than most of the women on the train yesterday.