Okay, I’ve wanted to put this together for a LONG time, so here it is. My first ever end-of-year Fucko List.

What is a fucko list and how does one get on it?

Well, it’s quite simple, actually. The fucko list is reserved for those who piss me off, annoy me, or deserve to be paraded in front of a crowd and mocked for their fuckoness. Fuckos generally know who they are and don’t care, thus making them arrogant fuckos.

Now that we’ve defined what a fucko is, let’s get started on the list!

Fucko Number 10: Jason Matthews of Flickrcast.com
There is no better example of a fucko than Jason Matthews at Flickrcast.com. Without rehashing the whole story, check out this post. He epitomizes what’s wrong with the american left at this juncture, and why no matter how wrongheaded they generally are, the american right will always be gaining. I imagine his podcast could be more boring, I just don’t see how. Just be careful not to tell them so, or they’ll ban you.

Fucko Number 9: CNN
For putting Cindy Sheehan as the number 3 story in importance on American Morning this morning while putting the death of one of the greatest men ever to walk the face of the earth, Pope John Paul II at number 4. Cindy Sheehan’s actions have meant nothing at all, except a media circus around her (just look at the throngs of people who weren’t at her book signing recently), while Pope John Paul II affected the lives of just about every person in the world, including but not limited to the 1 billion catholics in the world. Nice job, CNN. Maybe you can shove a camera up her ass just so you don’t have to search for where you need to kiss in the future.

Fucko Number 8: Home Depot
There’s no reason for Home Depot to not be on this list. Not that Lowe’s is much better, but frankly any store with the volume of customers that HD has and only opens one or two registers on a busy night (read: any night really) belongs on the fucko list just for that alone, but if you add in the useless aisle folks and the disorganization of the store, Home Depot inc. will be a fixture on the fucko list for years to come!

Fucko Number 7: The RIAA
While I’m all for protecting the intellectual property rights of owners, the RIAA is trying desperately to turn every filesharer into a criminal and suing people for thousands of times more than the albums they supposedly stole are worth.

Fucko Number 6: Howard Stern and Sirius
1. For beating his dead-horse show to death for 10 years after it stopped being funny.
2. For paying $500m for a washed up hack of a radio host who admitted on his show to doing subpar radio for 10 years in a time when others made a name for themselves under the same FCC rules.
3. For constantly playing the “I’m oppressed” card.
4. For whining about not getting his “tapes” from when he was on the Infinity payroll (hoo hoo).
5. For making his first Sirius hire Bubba the Love Sponge, after saying two years ago that he didn’t even want to be in a business that had a guy in it named Bubba the Love Sponge. Hypocritical at the least. Hoo hoo.

Fucko Number 5: Sony.
For putting rootkits on purchasers of CD’s and making it nearly impossible to safely remove. Is there any better reason for being on the fucko list? I think not. You could also make a case that Sony’s repeated blocking of people who make homebrew apps for the PSP would qualify them for the fucko list. I think they should be there just on principle. Screw you, Sony. You’re a great corporate fucko.

Fucko Number 4: Best Buy.
After numerous bad experiences there, and because of numerous stories read around the web, Best Buy has moved from one of my favorite stores to a store with a firm foothold on the fucko list. Don’t bother with local shops either, when it comes to electronics, because most of them are 10 times as shifty as BB or Circuit City anyway. Check out the products in person at stores, but buy them online somewhere else.

Fucko Number 3: Mark Frauenfelder and Xeni Jardin.
Two of the most vacuous hate-filled douchebags ever to write on the internet. Hell, Xeni is so damned annoying that there are plugins for Firefox that will eliminate her empty-headed ranting from the site so you don’t have to read it. If you’re into christian-bashing left-wing propaganda, belly up to their screeds because they sure have a lot to say.

Fucko Number 2: Roger Toussaint.
For crippling New York City with an illegal strike during Christmas season and in 24 degree weather, you deserve a special place on the Fucko list. I’m sure the millions of people who have been told to “use the machine” when they ask a less-than-helpful token booth clerk a question really appreciate you when you bitch about being underpaid. Please.

Fucko Number 1: Unnamed but anyone who knows knows who it is.
It was no secret how upset the Terri Schiavo case made me, and I burned a lot of bridges over it. I have since apologized for the treatment I gave many of my friends at the time, but in reality, I don’t talk to pretty much any of them anymore. That’s fine with me. Frankly, I learned a lot about people who call themselves your “friend” anyway.

So during this whole parade, certain “friends” of mine saw fit to mock those who sought to protect Terri from being murdered by her husband under the guise of being “humane.” In fact, one of the conversations two “friends” had was posted to one of their sites, and was commented on by every other “friend.” The mockery in that one post was incredible, and it prompted me to write my own corresponding post letting out a lot of dirty laundry from those who were mocking me.

I was told by one of the people whose dirty laundry I aired out that the conversation wasn’t about me, and I was arrogant for thinking it was. That in itself became a source of mockery for the same “friends” and they beat that horse to death with one of them even telling me that he felt “raped” by my comments. I eventually backed off, and after Terri died, issued a blanket apology specifically naming the folks and apologizing for what I said.

Well, Fucko Number 1 got his hands on that apology and sent me an e-mail. In the e-mail, he said the following:

I accept your apology. On my part: I really believed what I wrote on the first day and I still do. On the second day that quote wasn’t just about you but yah, you fell under the big blanket generalization. The shouting letters and the acerbic tone didn’t help much in my driving whatever point I thought I had. I apologize for the disdain that was directed in your direction. (As I said in ******’s old site, it wasn’t *just* about you.)

Excuse me? I did fall under that assault after being ridiculed for thinking I did? Amazing that after all the nasty public remarks, and even after my public apology, the only place this explanation appeared was in my private e-mail.

For this reason, and for the original comment, this person is worthy of the Fucko list in a profound way to the point where when I read that e-mail, I actually had the idea for creating my own fucko list.

That is 2005’s fucko list. If you have any people you’d like to add to the list, feel free to leave them in the comments. In fact, why not make a fucko list of your own? It’s very cathartic!

(Thanks to Opie and Anthony for the idea of a Fucko list)

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