If you need proof that we’re doomed as a society, I offer up this one for your perusal. Never in the history of mankind has our upcoming demise as a species been so obvious.

A woman sued General Mills because “The plaintiff, Janine Sugawara, alleged that she had only recently learned to her dismay that said ‘berries’ were in fact simply brightly-colored cereal balls.”

Recently?

To her dismay?

Has she ever seen a damn crunchberry in the produce section?

Luckily, a judge (who by rights shouldn’t have even given this case a hearing) laid the required smackdown upon this dope.

This Court is not aware of, nor has Plaintiff alleged the existence of, any actual fruit referred to as a “crunchberry.” Furthermore, the “Crunchberries” depicted on the [box] are round, crunchy, brightly-colored cereal balls, and the [box] clearly states both that the Product contains “sweetened corn & oat cereal” and that the cereal is “enlarged to show texture.” Thus, a reasonable consumer would not be deceived into believing that the Product in the instant case contained a fruit that does not exist. . . . So far as this Court has been made aware, there is no such fruit growing in the wild or occurring naturally in any part of the world.

Judge England also noted another federal court had “previously rejected substantially similar claims directed against the packaging of Fruit Loops [sic] cereal, and brought by these same Plaintiff attorneys.” He found that their attack on “Crunchberries” should fare no better than their prior claims that “Froot Loops” did not contain real froot.

This really is worse than the dopes that keep spilling coffee in their crotch and suing the coffee companies because their hot coffee is hot.

via Gizmodo

Finally, there was the conversation weaving between, of all things, Miss California U.S.A. Carrie Prejean, the same-sex marriage opponent who the panel had already mocked at length, and Bo, the Obama family’s Portuguese water dog.

When Mr. Axelrod was asked how involved he was in the selection of Bo, he jokingly answered that he “only got called in for the final three.”

But as Mr. Axelrod was trying to set the record straight – he actually was not consulted – Mr. Sagal asked about the two runner-ups.

“One was Miss California,” Mr. Axelrod cracked to the audience’s laughter.

So it’s okay for him to call Miss California a bitch? Wow… I have to say that this administration certainly has brought change to Washington. What makes her a bitch? Oh right… Her agreement with our illustrious saint, leader, and God-given gift, Barack Obama that marriage should be between a man and a woman.

Way to change the tone, Mr. Axelrod.

Look… I’m not saying Kelly Clarkson is a disaster. I’m not even saying she’s not attractive. Her weight isn’t an issue for me. Not in the slightest. In fact, I think she looks good with a little more curve to her. What annoys me is the absolutely ridiculous amount of photoshopping done on her new album cover. Look at those two pictures side by side. Can you honestly say they didn’t slim her down, photoshop the hell out of it, and then put it on the cover?

I get the whole “we have to project an image” but Jesus Christ, can the album cover at least remotely look like the person whose voice is recorded on the album?

I think, if anything, the BS term of the year would have to be “community.” In the era of social networking and social media, everything is all about community. We have to have twittering plants, twittering babies, and even blogs for our kids who aren’t even old enough to speak, let alone write. But does any of this promote an actual “community?” Well, that really depends on how you define community.

For example, head into the Twit forums and criticize Leo Laporte. Surely you know Leo Laporte. He’s the tech guy who used to be at the top of the tech podcasting heap on iTunes who’s now relegated to lists that include “Classic” podcasts. Whereas he used to put time and effort into his podcasts, he can’t be bothered now because he has an office in Petaluma where he streams video of him shooting the shit with his “friends” on Stickcam. Yep, Leo’s a real trooper, so go ahead and tell him his shows are losing what made them great a few years ago (namely, the attention he used to put into them). Or, if you really want to be bold, suggest how he could do better.

You will undoubtedly and immediately be pounced upon as if you were promoting Hitler in a Jewish forum. You see, your criticism is not welcome in that forum. Laporte himself has said he’s tired of the criticism, and insists that despite the donations and sponsors, he’s doing Twit for free (an obvious and blatant lie) and his “community members” jump right in to back him up, never questioning the stupidity of the claims. Your criticism ruins the “community,” because in the web 2.0 world, a community is no place for disagreement or criticism of any kind.

Then of course there are morons like Robert Scoble and Shel Israel. Go ahead and follow them on Twitter. You’ll really enjoy it if you like milquetoast non-interesting blather from two dopes whose biggest claim to fame is that they showed up to their co-written book’s launch naked. No, I won’t share that picture; no one should have to look at that. Their book, Naked Conversations, was designed to get businesses to open up and be more transparent. You were told to accept criticism from your customers and learn from it. So what do they do if they see a tweet or post they don’t like? Why, they block you, of course because your negativity is hurting their community and upsetting the folks who do what you’re supposed to do in the web 2.0 world: kiss arse.

Let’s face one fact about this whole Web 2.0 thing. It isn’t about community, it’s about communalism. It’s the idea that I can build an army of like-minded people who don’t dare think for themselves. It’s a power-hungry group of kids who were never popular in school trying to make up for it by showing you how powerful they are now. Folks like Leo Laporte and Robert Scoble have rings that must be kissed, lest you not be allowed into their club. There is no community of equals, only a community of like-minded automatons that are there to validate everything you do and say and promote your words to the unwashed masses.

That’s what Web 2.0 is as of 2008, and what it’s likely to be in 2009. The so-called “thought leaders” who don’t allow actual thought unless it’s in lockstep with theirs, and the mindless drones who follow them in the hopes that riding those coattails long enough will get them the fame they so desire. Maybe, with some luck, that shell will be cracked and original thinkers will emerge from this cesspool of unoriginal milquetoast garbage, but I think true thinkers are just going to avoid the space entirely so as not to have to be stifled by the Laportes and Scobles of the world.

A Maury County woman has been charged with reckless homicide for what her attorney says was the accidental asphyxiation of her husband after he consented to be bound and gagged.

“The whole family is upset with what occurred,” Samuel Patterson, an attorney representing 25-year-old Rebecca Bargy, told Columbia newspaper The Daily Herald. “We stand by the fact that this was an accident.”

According to the arrest warrant, Rebecca Bargy placed duct tape over James Bargy’s mouth and eyes, put a ball gag in his mouth and then tied a bandage around his head, leaving only his nostrils showing.

She also tied his hands and legs behind his back. She then left him for 20 hours.

“Apparently, this was not the first time it had happened,” Maury County Sheriff’s Detective Anthony Bailey said of the bondage.

Oopsies.

The latest Rasmussen Reports telephone survey finds Mitt Romney with a slight lead in Florida’s Republican Presidential Primary. John McCain and Rudy Giuliani are close behind in what may develop into a three-man race. It’s Romney at 25%, McCain at 20%, and Giuliani at 19%. Romney has picked up seven points over the past week while McCain and Giuliani each inched up a point.

Source

Technorati Tags: pandora, cat, kitten, cute

This is what happens when your retention schmucks don’t listen to the person who calls.

Matt Haughey:

Today I called to cancel and I knew it might be painful so I decided to record it. The total call was 12 minutes long, about half of that spent with a retention specialist. The best part of the call was both the first support rep and the retention guy saying “you got an iPhone! how is it?” and sounding genuinely interested.

Of course they’re genuinely interested, and the fact that they’ve offered a T-Mobile wing as something comparable (a phone I reviewed for PocketPC Thoughts) is laughable. The fact that a carrier can offer the Wing with a straight face (as something more compatable; whatever that means) to a customer looking for an iPhone means that carriers really just don’t “get” the iPhone in the first place.

I’ve seen internal documents from various carriers. Carriers love pimping the fact that “our phones are music players too!” and “You can download music directly from our phone!” and “we have e-mail too!”

Folks… It’s not about having the feature. It’s about doing it right. It’s not about being able to download music from your service while I’m on the go. It’s about being able to download music without it costing me $2.00 or $3.00 per song and $15-$20 a month for the privilege of doing so.

It’s not about being able to browse the mobile web on Pocket IE or a BlackBerry. It’s about viewing actual web pages on a device that’s the same size.

Until carriers get their heads out of their ass and realize that it isn’t just about the feature, but doing them right and not gouging on them (Verizon, for example, just launched an e-mail app. It’s available on 2 phones, and costs $5 per month to use your already-paid-for data plan to get your e-mail. To whom does this sound like a good idea?).

There’s a reason the iPhone sold anywhere from 300,000 to 750,000 units this weekend (depending on which analyst you believe) and it isn’t just because it’s Apple or just because it’s pretty.

Why do Europeans have such a hard-on for Apple? First the whole DRM thing in whatever country it was in (Norway or something?). Now this drivel:

an interesting suggestion from the CEO of Carphone Warehouse has got Europeans looking a bit more closely at how things will eventually be ran in their neck of the woods. It was stated that “in order for the iPhone to function correctly, there is a requirement for Apple servers to be placed deep in the operator’s network,” which has led some to believe that Apple could have a “a non-GSM, non-standard way of authenticating its phone.”

You mean like RIM does with the BlackBerry?

Seriously. If you don’t believe me, give it a go some time. Take a GSM BlackBerry out of the box, throw your SIM in it, and try to do anything with it other than make a call. You can’t. And the reason you can’t is that unless you have the BlackBerry “service” on your phone, you can’t do anything with the handheld. That’s not exactly wide open, and yet you never hear anyone complain about it.

Of course that would be like comparing blackberries to apples.

Technorati Tags: apple, iphone

The folks behind Family Guy are getting the last laugh in a legal tussle with Carol Burnett after a federal judge tossed a lawsuit by the famous funnylady over an episode that parodied her.

As Stewie Griffin might proclaim, “Victory is mine!”

In her suit, filed in March in U.S. District Court in Los Angeles, Burnett claimed that after she refused to grant Fox and Family Guy mastermind Seth McFarlane consent to use the theme music from The Carol Burnett Show, they “knowingly and deliberately” rewrote the episode to disparage Burnett’s famous cleaning-lady character.

The 74-year-old comedian says the Apr. 23, 2006 episode, titled “Peterotica,” wound up including the music for a segment. The bit also featured a ‘toon character giving the signature ear tug of Burnett’s “Charwoman,” popularized during skits on her hit variety show, which ran for 11 seasons on CBS from 1967 to 1978.

In his ruling signed Friday and made public Monday, U.S. District Judge Dean Pregerson saw little if any harm done to Burnett. While he “fully appreciates how distasteful and offensive the segment is to Ms. Burnett,” Pregerson noted that parody is protected by the freedom of speech rights guaranteed under the First Amendment.

Good. A judge uses common sense, and now parody is protected. Carol Burnett should be sued by the federal government for wasting our courts’ time with this thing that’s been fought by others numerous times already.

Enough is enough.

Technorati Tags: carol burnett, family guy, lawsuit, parody, intellectual property

I don’t get it. I’m a very simple guy, but I really don’t get it. RWW posts about the Webbys like they matter:

This week the winners of the 11th annual Webby Awards, billed nowadays as the “Oscars of the Internet”, were announced at a ceremony in New York. Much of the publicity was over the fact that David Bowie was there (Prince attended last year). But other than that, what were the highlights of the Webbys? In this post we’ll review the winners list, and in particular the web 2.0 sites.

All up, there were nearly 70 categories. In the categories focused on web technology and social media, the clear winners were Flickr, LinkedIn and last.fm. Flickr picked up 3 awards (5 including two Peoples Choice ones), for Best Practices, Best Visual Design – Function, and Community. LinkedIn grabbed 2 awards, for Services and Social Networking. And last.fm won the Music category, plus was voted Peoples Choice for Best Practices.

Nowhere in the RWW article does it even mention that in order to be “considered” for a Webby you have to submit a $245 “application fee.” In other words, you pay; you play. My good friend Thomas Hawk has an opinion on this:

One thing though that I really don’t like about the Webby’s is that they basically are a racket intended to extract fees and money out of websites for their own profit. Don’t get me wrong. I kind of like the idea of a democratic process that helps refine the best internet sites out there.

And I think that sites like digg and delicious and reddit and a number of other sites help you find compelling new content. But you know what? digg and delicious and reddit don’t charge you a $245 to list your site on their service.

$245 is just unbelievable. Certainly I can understand entry fees for contests, but $245? What a crock.

From SFist: “We checked in with a friend of ours whose company won a Webby last year, and he confirmed our darkest fears. “They do this for an salary, not to celebrate the internet. They charge us the “processing fee” and also charged an entrance ticket fee (I think it was $250) to the awards ceremony.”

Another prominent blogger told us that “Apparently this year, they’ve extended the ‘nomination’ period at least once, maybe more, because I guess they haven’t made enough money. It’s most definitely a ‘who’s who’ type scam.” In the words of one of our esteemed colleagues, “That’s some racket the Webbys have going!”"

Indeed, it is some racket, and the worst part is that sites like RWW and many others keep granting them legitimacy, and they don’t mention the fact that it’s pay to play. Any company patting themselves on the back for winning one should really be embarassed. This isn’t democratic in any way. It’s a revenue generator for the people running the show and a shallow meaningless honor for those who win it.

Pardon me for not being impressed.

Technorati Tags: webbys

I so don’t get this story…

A bullied teenager will receive substantial damages and an income for life after a Supreme Court judge found NSW educational authorities failed in their duty of care to deal with playground assaults and bullying.

Benjamin Cox’s mother, Angela, sued the State of NSW on behalf of the Hunter Valley teenager.

He will receive at least $220,000 for pain and suffering.

She said the bullying, which started in infants school, had resulted in her son having little education and being unable to work.

WTF? Are you kidding me?

In her judgement, delivered today, Justice Carolyn Simpson commented that Mr Cox’s “adolescence has been all but destroyed; his adulthood will not be any better. He will never know the satisfaction of employment. He will suffer anxiety and depression, almost certainly, for the rest of his life”.

Oh my Lord, they aren’t. I wish I had thought of this when I was getting my ass kicked as a kid. I could’ve stopped right there and had a windfall for the rest of my life. Instead, I was stupid. I learned how to fight, beat the ever loving shit out of the bully, and then went on to do very well in school, get married, and make a nice income.

Man did I go about it all wrong…

via Overlawyered

Technorati Tags: bullying, lawsuit, stupid

Sure… If we just spent more money on education, everything would be just fine. We would have smart kids, involved parents, and crime-free schools.

The fact that in the year 2007 some people still believe that the answer to the problems in our schools involve backing a Brinks truck up to them and dumping bags of money inside makes me laugh. The fact that the people who repeat it do so unflinchingly and uncritically is even more ridiculous.

The Topsy-Turvy Bus, lovingly known as Topsy, was designed to dramatically depict America’s upside down budget priorities. Topsy is a brainchild of Ben Cohen, co-founder of Ben & Jerry’s and noted artist Stefan Sagmeister (www.Sagmeister.com), and was constructed by artist-mechanic Tom Kennedy (http://www.TomKennedyart.com/).

“Our nation’s spending priorities allow crumbling schools, millions of children with no health coverage, dependence on Middle East oil and deficits as far as you can see,” said Ben Cohen, president of the Priorities Campaign.

Whatever dude.

via Boing Boing

Technorati Tags: education, spending, government

This is just silly… Seriously… That’s the only word for it…

Michelle Incanno was an admitted Starbucks addict.

She’d buy the company’s coffee beans every week. Whenever she’d get the chance to drop by a Starbucks, she would, placing the same order every time: a large, house brewed coffee with nonfat milk and two Splenda. When the Seattle-based chain opened a drive-through near her Springboro home, she was in java heaven.

That was until she got an unexpected jolt last week from her coffee cup.

Printed on the cup was: “Why in moments of crisis do we ask God for strength and help? As cognitive beings, why would we ask something that may well be a figment of our imaginations for guidance? Why not search inside ourselves for the power to overcome? After all, we are strong enough to cause most of the catastrophes we need to endure.”

[...]

“As someone who loves God, I was so offended by that. I don’t think there needs to be religious dialogue on it. I just want coffee,” said Incanno, a married mother of three who is Catholic.

She wasn’t satisfied with a company disclaimer saying the quote is the author’s opinion, not necessarily that of Starbucks.

It’s a coffee cup.

Written by an obvious atheist.

Starbucks has been doing this for years.

Does she have a right to be offended? I think so. I mean, you have a right to be offended for any cockamamy reason you can come up with. My problem is her running to the media to proudly proclaim that she’s not going to be partaking in Starbucks beverages anymore, as if her boring-ass coffee with skim milk and Splenda once a day is going to change things for them.

The second batch of stupidity is that Starbucks has run cups that are pro-God. Someone who buys a hot drink every day (or at least a Starbucks addict, anyway) would have seen it. I remembered seeing one, but a reader to the linked article even remembered the number… Cup #250…

In reality hell is not such an intention of God as it is an invention of man. God is love and people are precious. Authentic truth is not so much taught or learned as it is remembered. Somewhere in your pre-incarnate consciousness you were loved absolutely because you were. Loved absolutely, and in reality, you still are! Remember who you are!

– Bishop Carlton Pearson
Author, speaker, spiritual leader and recording artist.

Is this good enough to get her back?

I mean, if one cup could make her leave, could one cup make her come back?

via Consumerist

Technorati Tags: starbucks, coffee, michelle incanno

Simpson, an NFL Hall of Famer and Heisman Trophy winner, was found innocent in 1995 of killing his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and Ron Goldman but was found liable in a civil trial that followed.

Ruby — who owns restaurants in Cincinnati, Louisville and Belterra, Ind. — said Simpson, who was in town for the Derby on Saturday, came in with a group of about 12 Friday night and was seated at a table in the back. A customer came up to Ruby and was “giddy” about seeing Simpson, Ruby said.

“I didn’t want that experience in my restaurant,” Ruby said, later adding that seeing Simpson get so much attention “makes me sick to my stomach.”

He said he went to Simpson’s table and said, “I’m not serving you.” Ruby said when Simpson didn’t respond, he repeated himself and left the room.

Ruby said Simpson soon came up to him and said he understood and would gather the rest of his party to leave.

Simpson’s attorney, Yale Galanter, said the incident was about race, and he intended to pursue the matter and possibly go after the restaurant’s liquor license.

“He screwed with the wrong guy, he really did,” Galanter said by telephone Tuesday night.

Don’t you just love how before OJ lopped off the head of his ex-wife, he was just another guy, and how after he did it, he was a black guy?

Hell, read the story. Even OJ understood that some people may not appreciate having him in their restaurant.

I understand he was found not guilty, but let’s be honest here for a minute. Does anyone really think he was?

No doubt this will end up in a lawsuit or whatever, but make no mistake OJ… It ain’t about the skin color, it’s about the blood on your hands.

Source

Technorati Tags: oj simpson

Apparently, Verizon really is run by a bunch of arrogant pricks…

AT&T’s argument that it was just following government orders didn’t wash with a judge, and now Verizon is claiming that its passing of information to the government is protected by the First Amendment. Yes, you read that correctly: it says the Electronic Communications Privacy Act is unconstitutional, and the information it passed to the government — in apparent violation of it, and to comply with the sort of warrantless surveillance the ECPA was designed to prevent — is constitutionally protected free speech. This seems tenuous at best, but it fits with Verizon’s MO.

Constitutionally protected free speech? Are you f’ing kidding me?

I wonder if Verizon has ever heard of CPNI…

In the United States, CPNI (Customer Proprietary Network Information) is information that telecommunications services such as local, long distance, and wireless telephone companies acquire about their subscribers. It includes not only what services they use but their amount and type of usage. The Telecommunications Act of 1996 together with clarifications from the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) generally prohibits the use of that information without customer permission, even for the purpose of marketing the customers other services.

You might be wondering why I bring up CPNI… Well, absent a warrant, companies cannot do anything without your data. If you think about it, Verizon sharing your information with anyone that you don’t authorize is illegal and has nothing to do with free speech.

For God’s sake, Verizon, get your act together. First you sue the competition to shut ‘em down. Now you’re sharing customer information illegally?

Wow… I think, at this point, if you’re a Verizon customer, you’re a blinkin’ idiot.

Technorati Tags: verizon, cpni, ecpa, privacy, free speech

VANCOUVER, British Columbia (Reuters) – A Canadian man who admitted shoplifting C$106 in razor blades has been awarded C$12,000 ($10,645) for injuries he suffered when he was tackled by store security guards.

A British Columbia Supreme Court judge said that just because Daniel Baines admitted the store had a right to arrest him in the 2004 incident, it did not mean he lacked credibility as a witness about being beaten while being apprehended.

What the hell is that shit, Vancouver? Seriously?

He gets tackled while shoplifting and you award him damages?

I swear… You guys don’t realize it, but you’re just as asinine as the idiot juries in this country.

Reuters

Technorati Tags: canada, vancouver, legal, lawyer, stupid

1. Man enters a contest where you have to keep your hand on a truck for the longest amount of time to win that truck.

2. Man stands there for 48 hours.

3. Man cracks and walks away from the truck.

4. Man beaks into K-Mart and steals a shotgun.

5. Man shoots himself in the head, killing himself.

What happens next? The family sues, of course!

In their petition, his family alleged that the stress of the contest caused Vega “to become “temporarily insane and to take his own life” and Patterson was negligent in not providing psychiatric or medical monitoring to contestants.

We don’t need no stinking personal responsibility…